The other day a friend once again complained about a
colleague who annoys her so much that her friend begins to grit her teeth with
anger as soon as she sees her.
– To be honest, I can not even say exactly what’s wrong with
her: annoying – that’s all! – Annie complains. – Of course, it has some
unpleasant features – all the time assenting to the leadership,
“shushes” at meetings, although she herself rattles more than anyone
else and not the case, often speaks quite rude, but she does not tolerate even
the slightest hint of a remark. She often pry into my projects and edit my paper without asking, though I do not ask
her to help me with my work. I think that I do just fine with her. But there
are so many people like that, I don’t understand why I am so pissed off by her!
And a friend told me about the boss, which is quite peculiar
– I do not remember a single case where she did not comment
on a gift for a birthday or March 8 and did not say something nasty. On an
expensive set of skin care cosmetics she said she took it as a hint that she
looked bad, on a set of stationery she said we didn’t want to think about the
gift and bought something first come first served, and on a custom cake she
never thought she looked like someone who couldn’t afford to buy a cake
herself. Our boss is not a very pleasant person to talk to, but the days before
the holidays are a huge stress for the whole team.
Girls are not alone in their irritation: most of us are
annoyed by the most ordinary things in colleagues – nothing out of the
ordinary. A survey conducted by the personnel portal showed that one in five
people dislike the staff where they work, and one in twenty of us is frankly
annoyed with their colleagues. And it can piss off anything – from intrigue and
gossip to lateness and frequent smoking breaks.
For obvious reasons, pouring aggression on colleagues every
day will not. First, the companies do not like scandalized people. Secondly, it
is harmful to their own health. And finally, thirdly, it often happens that the
colleague insults for no apparent reason, or is hypocritical, or says mean
things with a nice smile on his lips. And from the outside it will seem that
the scandal is started by you, but, as we have noted, the scandalists at work
do not like it.
If a conflict has arisen…
The best way to end the conflict – is simply not to bring it
to the case. But the truth is that perfect teams do not exist, so conflicts at
work – a fairly common phenomenon. Especially frustrating that even the most
correct behavior in a work environment is not a guarantee that the conflict
with colleagues will not arise.
All work conflicts can be divided into those that occur
without your participation, and those in which you were involved personally.
– In the first case, you should try to distance yourself
from the conflict, not allowing yourself to be drawn into a skirmish. Intervene
– and only constructively – should be only when the conflict affects your
interests. In this case, you should state your position (“it is important
for me to participate in the discussion of this problem”), and then try to
help the conflicting parties to structure information, formulate their
requirements, and develop some rational solutions.
In the second option – if the conflict is personal – you do
not have much choice: you have to solve the problems. And the business coach
advises to start with minimizing contacts with the “enemy”: do not go
to lunch in the same company, do not go to the smoking room at the same time,
and use headphones. If you are dealing with one problem and it is impossible to
stop communicating, it should be formalized and depersonalized as much as
possible. All that can be discussed, for example, by email, and the
correspondence should be as correct as possible. And, of course, you should not
discuss a conflict situation with your colleagues.
– In both cases, the main thing is not to get emotionally
involved in the dispute. That is in any case do not get irritated, do not lose
composure and do not raise your voice, even if they shout at you. And most
importantly, keep the maximum goodwill, at least outwardly. Practice shows that
the sympathy of colleagues and superiors, unfortunately, are not always on the
side of the one who is right. We are accustomed to trust our own eyes and
feelings, so it is easier to assume that the right cheerful and friendly
employee, and the guilty one – gloomy and dissatisfied.
Psychologists remind us that the art of evading or resolving
conflicts with minimal losses comes with experience. And while there is no
experience, we must learn not to give them too much importance and remember:
the work must remain the work, and emotions are better left for the people
closest to them.
Experts told about how to get rid of negative emotions
without leaving your workplace:
1.Breathe deeply. If you’re already on edge, take a few deep
breaths to calm your body and oxygenate your brain. In addition, you will find
yourself busy for a few seconds, and perhaps during this time you will change
your mind about writing a letter of resignation.
2 Drink some water. The psychological effect is the same –
you will be distracted by an extraneous action. In addition, chewing and
swallowing have a relaxing, calming effect.
3. do gymnastics. Of course, if space and time permit, do
breathing exercises with your arms spread apart and up.
4.Smell the bergamot. Portal experts advise to have a
“medicine cabinet” with aromatic oils and in critical situations to
spray a few drops on your wrist, clothes or, for example, a pen. Bergamot,
grapefruit and sandalwood oil are the best remedies.
5. “Ground yourself.” Focus on your own feet –
stand up straight and feel supported, literally.
6.Take a walk. Ideally, walk down the street, but as a last
resort, at least to the cooler or a nearby office. Movement brings back
7.Look at something nice and kind. This can include, but is
not limited to, adorable photos and videos – of a baby, kittens or puppies.
This will balance the emotions and reduce the degree of tension.
– All of the above tips are actually combined by one idea –
to shift attention. – In the event that a person needs to quickly calm down,
this is really the most important thing. Of the same series – to pinch
yourself, sharply clench and unclench your fist, mentally go over the
multiplication table, recall a poem or phone numbers of several friends. The
main thing is to “keep a face” for the first few seconds, then it
will be much easier to keep from flaring up. In addition, the ability to switch
quickly will never be superfluous and can help you in many difficult